Kick them. If you allow that to happen, either you don't care for the realm or it is still a net benefit for the realm.
The "funneling" of gold out of a realm for personal profit or to aid your other character somewhere else is fully intentional. Its purpose is to create conflict. Absolutely nothing in the game says you have to take it, you know?
Make the donation to the family public and we will. The problem is that usually it is either not known or not certain IC.
