Dwilight Politics for Five Year Olds

[Perth]

I knew it! Perth is spying on me.

8)

[Galvez]

Was just wondering if it was on purpose or a mistake lol.

It was. But then I probably have been writing it wrong in the past as well.

[Wolfsong]

Fissoa: Hey guys! You wanna help take down that super mean bully on the other side of the playground?
Luria: You gotta be my friend first!
Fissoa: ...Okay! Let's be friends, I like friends!
Luria: You gotta say I'm your bestest friend now or I'm not gonna help you! I'll... PUSH YOU!
Fissoa: Uh... Okay! You're my best friend.
Luria: You won't do anything if I kick your other friend in the knee? Because we're best friends now? RIGHT?
Fissoa: Uh... But we're fighting the bully, right? Not D'hara, he's really nice too!
Luria: Actually, I don't wanna fight that bully. I want his toys.
*Luria points to D'hara, who is playing in the sandbox.*
Fissoa: But those are dumb toys. You can get  better ones if we take that bully's toys!
Luria: No, I want those. Those are red. I like red toys.
Fissoa: But... the bully has red toys, too. All sorts of toys.
Luria: No, I want those.
Fissoa: So... you won't help us fight that bully?
Luria: I can't, I got to have those toys. It's not my fault, blame D'hara for having red toys. Red is my color.
Fissoa: ...Okay, well... D'hara will help! That bully was really mean to D'hara.
*Fissoa wanders over to the sandbox.*
Fissoa: Hey, D'hara, wanna help kick that bully in the knee?
D'hara: Yeah! And I got a little cousin who does whatever I say, so we'll beat them up real good!
*D'hara notices Luria making grabby motions with their pudgy little child hands.*
D'hara: Uh... Actually, Fissoa, I gotta stay in the sandbox. Luria is giving me mean looks and if I help you fight that bully, she might push me over.
Fissoa: Well, can I borrow your little cousin, then?
D'hara: No, mom would get upset if he got a skinned knee and I wasn't there.
Fissoa: Oh, well... Okay.

[JeVondair]

Fissoa: Hey guys! You wanna help take down that super mean bully on the other side of the playground?
Luria: You gotta be my friend first!
Fissoa: ...Okay! Let's be friends, I like friends!
Luria: You gotta say I'm your bestest friend now or I'm not gonna help you! I'll... PUSH YOU!
Fissoa: Uh... Okay! You're my best friend.
Luria: You won't do anything if I kick your other friend in the knee? Because we're best friends now? RIGHT?
Fissoa: Uh... But we're fighting the bully, right? Not D'hara, he's really nice too!
Luria: Actually, I don't wanna fight that bully. I want his toys.
*Luria points to D'hara, who is playing in the sandbox.*
Fissoa: But those are dumb toys. You can get  better ones if we take that bully's toys!
Luria: No, I want those. Those are red. I like red toys.
Fissoa: But... the bully has red toys, too. All sorts of toys.
Luria: No, I want those.
Fissoa: So... you won't help us fight that bully?
Luria: I can't, I got to have those toys. It's not my fault, blame D'hara for having red toys. Red is my color.
Fissoa: ...Okay, well... D'hara will help! That bully was really mean to D'hara.
*Fissoa wanders over to the sandbox.*
Fissoa: Hey, D'hara, wanna help kick that bully in the knee?
D'hara: Yeah! And I got a little cousin who does whatever I say, so we'll beat them up real good!
*D'hara notices Luria making grabby motions with their pudgy little child hands.*
D'hara: Uh... Actually, Fissoa, I gotta stay in the sandbox. Luria is giving me mean looks and if I help you fight that bully, she might push me over.
Fissoa: Well, can I borrow your little cousin, then?
D'hara: No, mom would get upset if he got a skinned knee and I wasn't there.
Fissoa: Oh, well... Okay.

Don't stop now, Wolfsong. Where's part 2? The part where Luria takes D'Hara's toys and D'Hara goes and helps Fissoa against the bullies?

[Wolfsong]

Yarr!

[JeVondair]

Yarr!

Well, i suppose that sums up the last IG year just fine...

[Wolfsong]

The bully I was referring to wasn't Falkirk - by the time we conquered them, they were really just a bunch of all-startling-inactive-at-the-exact-same-time players who contributed nothing to the game. I'm talking about more current events, a la a week or so ago.

[Wolfang]

I'm sure the bully will come to startle us all in the same way. Why don't Luria and D'hara just help each other on this one issue, if anything, it'd be the only completely justified war, and the most necessary war in Dwilight.

[JeVondair]

I'm sure the bully will come to startle us all in the same way. Why don't Luria and D'hara just help each other on this one issue, if anything, it'd be the only completely justified war, and the most necessary war in Dwilight.

We tried that. Twice. The first time, Luria kicked D'Hara in the knees from behind. The second time, they got tired and grumpy and left to go play cat's cradle in the corner by themselves instead.

[Chenier]

We tried that. Twice. The first time, Luria kicked D'Hara in the knees from behind. The second time, they got tired and grumpy and left to go play cat's cradle in the corner by themselves instead.

Pretty much.

If we could at least knock off Saffalore, then it wouldn't be as bad, as we'd only have to worry about 2 fronts and not 3.

[Shizzle]

Genius, Wolfsong, best one I've read so far :)

[Stabbity]

Luria Nova: Give us our toys back Luria Vesperi!
Luria Vesperi: No! We're giving them to D'hara!
Luria Nova: D'hara we'll beat you up too if you keep our toys. Give them back.
D'hara: No!
*Luria Nova takes a step towards D'hara*
D'hara: Don't hurt us! Here's your toys!
Luria Nova: Wtf? They're broken.
D'hara: You never said to give them back not broken! Nah nah!
Luria Nova: We're going to go beat up Falkirk with Fissoa. We'll be back and you're going to pay to fix our stuff.
*Luria Nova and Fissoa beat up Falkrik, who then suffers a fatal brain aneurysm*
Luria Nova: Okay D'hara time to pay up.
Morek: Hey, remember us? We said we'd settle things peacefully between you two. So uhhh.... Too bad Luria, we don't care that D'hara broke your toys
D'hara: Yea!
Morek: We'll beat you up!
*Luria rolls up his sleeves, Morek whimpers*

[Penchant]

I have plenty of reasons why your request is invalid but they don't really matter as you guys don't care about them, you just want to war us.

[Stabbity]

I have plenty of reasons why your request is invalid but they don't really matter as you guys don't care about them, you just want to war us.

Might makes right. Luria Nova beat Luria Vesperi and D'hara in a war, and graciously allowed D'hara to skate without losing anything. All Luria Nova wanted was its rightful territories it won, and that D'hara only gained by Vesperian Lords ignoring the Vesperian surrender. D'hara did nothing to gain them, and rather than fight for them, agreed to give them up. Which is pretty fair, in all honestly, seeing as you just lost a war where you had numerical superiority (on a realm to realm basis, only). After promising to return the regions, D'hara gave back one region in such bad shape it revolted before any maintenance could be done. If Luria found itself in possession of a D'haran duchy (assuming we wouldn't just keep it, because honestly at this point we would) and promised to hand it back, D'hara would be throwing the world's largest bitch fit if we gave it back in the condition D'hara returned the West Marches. The conditions were simply unacceptable, especially after Luria Nova graciously allowed D'hara to escape that war unscathed. Luria Nova could have rightfully demanded compensation, and had the strength to back it up.

[Shizzle]

Might makes right. Luria Nova beat Luria Vesperi and D'hara in a war, and graciously allowed D'hara to skate without losing anything. All Luria Nova wanted was its rightful territories it won, and that D'hara only gained by Vesperian Lords ignoring the Vesperian surrender. D'hara did nothing to gain them, and rather than fight for them, agreed to give them up. Which is pretty fair, in all honestly, seeing as you just lost a war where you had numerical superiority (on a realm to realm basis, only). After promising to return the regions, D'hara gave back one region in such bad shape it revolted before any maintenance could be done. If Luria found itself in possession of a D'haran duchy (assuming we wouldn't just keep it, because honestly at this point we would) and promised to hand it back, D'hara would be throwing the world's largest bitch fit if we gave it back in the condition D'hara returned the West Marches. The conditions were simply unacceptable, especially after Luria Nova graciously allowed D'hara to escape that war unscathed. Luria Nova could have rightfully demanded compensation, and had the strength to back it up.

A lot of long words for five-year olds! Boo! No actual politicking allowed!