No one has ever told you that the way you are describing is the way you need to do it. In fact we are explicitly telling you to NOT do it that way. You may, of course, continue to do it that way, if that's what floats your boat.
Alternatively, you could try the way we're recommending: Create yourself a military coordination guild. If you think that creating the guild is too difficult and time consuming, then ask one of your fellow players to do it. Throw it out to the realm, and to your allies. "Hey, this would be a good idea. Would someone like to do it?" I imagine you'll have a few volunteers. Players like to participate in things, and feel like they're contributing. If you can get the lord of the capital to do it, then your players won't even have to take a side trip to do it. You'll have greater participation from other players, redundancy in your command structure, ease of communication, and a better game experience from everyone involved.
If you choose to continue trying to play the way you describe, against the advice of everyone, then I'm afraid there's not much we can do for you. You'll just have to deal with the problems you're creating for yourself.
This is another case of the "let me quote the theory to you" you are somewhat infamous for, like your years of "have a rebellion" when 90% of every realm was barely active & didn't care or respond.
If you won't read the use cases we are describing, and recognize we have already explained why your answers are dead on arrival, then the hell with wasting more time on this discussion.
I simply won't respond in those cases, and let the game be poorer for it.
