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Toms Other Games => Legends => Work in Progress => Topic started by: Weaver on December 28, 2017, 09:19:07 AM
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When Rinne obtained his physical form, he gathered the light of the sun and from it he made a spear simply referred to as 'The Bejeweled Spear of Heaven'. With the sunspear, he hooked the blade into the Earth below the Water, and raised the lands above the waves. The First continent was in the shape of the Crescent Moon, and was thus called 'Mikazuki'. Next, Rinne lodged the spear into the center of the continent, where it became a beam of light that towered into the Heavens, unextinguished, like a beacon for all to see where progress has begun. This place was called 'Pyre'.
When the spear touched the center of the land, a massive earthquake shook Creation; the shape of the central island broke, and in the north west, the land fractured and became known as the Broken Isles. The currents at the southwestern island became so erratic it came to be known as the Maelstrom for it's unapproachable sheer cliffs and strong currents. The southeastern island became covered in frost and snow; But still, Pyre was warm and inviting, like the Eye of the Tempest. Because of all this, Mikazuki is sometimes called 'Tempest'.
Rinne divided a circle around the Spear into fourteen equal parts, and in each of the fourteen directions, he found a star, and named it; thus creating the Zodiac. Next, he divided the Primal elements, and Prime itself, into the general directions, for the weaving of magics:
The Element of Fire shall be the direction of South.
The Element of Earth shall be the direction of East.
The Element of Water shall be the direction of West.
The Element of Air shall be the direction of North.
Pyre shall be the seat of Prime.
The Zodiac shall divine the Fates.
Together, Pyre and the Zodiac shall unite the elements, and allow magic to flow.
Rinne then decreed, that all things under this Zodiac shall have a name and direction-- a Fate-- and that so long that the world whirls through the darkness of cosmos, under this Zodiac, it shall have Progress.
Rinne then fell asleep at the base of the spear, and came to be known as 'The Flame of Revolution', or 'The Lawgiver', by the first creations who will settle Pyre, and make it their Capital.
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Wait what? Thought the voting was ending today?
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Voting closed with 60% for and 40% against.
That misses the requires 2/3rds by a small margin. So I'm sending this back to work-in-progress as the author can improve it (and those against should comment why they voted against) and we can vote again.
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I'd like to also know what was the problem with the chapter, and why people instantly voted 'no'.
Also, apologies for jumping the gun. I read the rules and a part of it says 'majority vote' decides. Turns out that's on the *second* vote. My bad.
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No apologies needed. We are all in testing mode here. :-)
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I want to update the story, but I have to wait until people explain their 'no' votes. What happens if they don't explain?
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You don't have to wait.
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I'm just hopping on today so I missed the voting, but it seems like a good story to me. It all fits, seems like it has good flow.
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Two suggestions/thoughts:
#1 Perhaps people preferred the overall shape (or story) of the other continent, and thus voted for that one rather than yours. Since we were choosing a starting chapter, and "There can be only One"(tm), some voting yes for yours would likely vote no for the other, and vice versa. Now that the initial chapter is over, it'll probably be easy to get Mikazuki as a 2nd continent.
#2 the shape may have put people off. Its too, how do you say, cut and dry. I like it, but the geometry irks me all the same. Perhaps embellish it to produce a more organic shape / contour, maybe even slice the continent into 2 and have the isle of Pyre be a true island amidst the bay off a central channel, sort of like how Muzahdorf/Farasan/Socotra islands hang out in the Red Sea past the Isthmus of Suez (Canal)
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To me it was mostly the shape. Also, the story about directions confused me a bit. I couldn't understand why elements were used to describe directions. That came out of blue.
For you, probably the shape of the continent gave you flavor but I really disliked how unnatural it looked. Plus it was too personalized for me. You put everything in already so there was little I could do to add to the continent.
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If we think that it's acceptable to list 'There can be only one' as a reason for voting no on something on a cooperative, storytelling, game- then the only motivation left in me to continue participating in this is to do the same to you. Therefore I'll be excusing myself, gentlemen. Enjoy.
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Buddy, you misunderstand. From my understanding, we're simulating the first of many legends to come, chapter 1. Common sense dictates that there can only be one "First". After the first comes what? Second, third, fourth, tenth, hundredth, thousandth. The first is not the last, but like anything which has ever existed, we've got to start somewhere.
For the record, I voted yes on both concepts. My understanding is that the only case where there would be a "single" option would be for conflicting plans. For example, if one proposed chapter turns the center of a continent into a massive crater lake, and another turns it into a mountain, we either get whichever one got the most votes, OR, when possible, we can combine them and (for this example) have a big mountain jutting out of a great sea. Etc.
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The same Creation can not be used in two simultaneous stories, that is how conflict is restricted to be within one story and can play out from chapter to chapter.
See https://forum.battlemaster.org/index.php/topic,8116.0.html for the relevant rule.
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3 day of comments are over, starting voting.
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i have questions. :-[ Sorry I am just reading through the rules and trying to get my bearings.
Several named things appear to have been created. Don't these have to be paid for in Prime/Purity? Shouldn't that be listed where needed?
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i have questions. :-[ Sorry I am just reading through the rules and trying to get my bearings.
Several named things appear to have been created. Don't these have to be paid for in Prime/Purity? Shouldn't that be listed where needed?
I believe so.
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Yes, ideally the costs (5 Purity for the continent, the directions can come for free as flavor) should be added, but this can be done as fine-tuning later.
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it got accepted, please add it.
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moved it back here. When moving it to the Legends of the World board, please post there only the legend text itself without any of the comments.