That is the problem in my mind. I keep hearing statements like "It's only lamenting if it is done a bunch of times" when a bunch of times is not defined or "Go ahead and request/reward as long as people are not pressured". In my opinion, we either allow folks to make requests and offer rewards across the board with the implicit understanding that no one is to be threatened or punished for refusing or we do not allow it at all. There is enough grey area with either policy. All of this wishy washy opinionated complexity is just crazy.
