Honestly, I don't like accusations of cheating/spying OOC, private or not. Either way, you aren't playing as you would with friends. I personally would have deleted my character right then and started somewhere that you weren't. I don't care if there has been IC spying (as long as it was done using only IC means), that is no reason to OOC'ly send messages of this nature to someone.
Aaron initiated contact with me by first joining CE, and then OOC messaging me. I expressed to him my disapproval of his actions as politely as I could mange. Had I tracked him down, joined one of his realms, and then started sending him nastygrams, then I would agree with you.
