I thought the people who left Melhed did so because of the rebellion.
In my experience, war brings in more people even and well especially if there's the possibility of losing. Just look at Darka.
And yes, Melhed would have fought us before if it wasn't for our allies, but then that was also when we had less than one third of our max pop and could just barely field 10k, let stand afford a refit. The invasion didn't only devastate us, it also bankrupted us.
I'd also like to argue that the nobles who have joined us came to us because we try to create an interesting environment in our realm and have been continuously working on that for years. It's not for nothing that we were the ones taunting Overlord during the entire invasion and are the first to say "screw recovery, we want war and we want it now" afterwards. Maybe we just bore more easily. Either way, we do our best to attract more nobles and it seems to work. Ever since the Fourth Invasion we have had more nobles than most of comparable or even much greater size and war indeed boosted those numbers again. But you can never have too much nobles as far as I'm concerned. Especially when you're trying to colonize your enemy's capital.
But anyway, I agree that fears of losing the game, or dreams of winning the game are utter and complete delusions. There's no winning or losing. If your realm dies, you go somewhere else and start over. That's sort of how I came to Thal in the first place (though it's a little more complicated
) and I sure don't regret it. You can always find new places to enjoy. But there's not even any realm's life hanging in the balance here. At least not from where I'm sitting. What's the fun in destroying realms anyway? We'd lose a neighbour with whom we've got years and years of history. Friendship and hostility. The perfect candidate to screw us over and stab us in the back one day and give us a reason to defeat them again. (Hypothetically of course, we're not quite there yet the first time.
) Or turn it into a sort of Sith Master-Apprentice relationship. Because when it comes down to it, this war is most of all about which one of us has the biggest cock.