Author Topic: Region Description Feedback  (Read 684 times)

Dishman

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Region Description Feedback
« Topic Start: April 11, 2014, 06:55:26 PM »
So my East Continent character recently had some gamemaster feedback from his region description, and it was labelled bad. Fair enough, I don't put too much effort into writing for that character. I added a little blurb at the end of what was previously there and hadn't really thought anything about it.

I don't like to delete someone else's work, so I reworked what I had posted to be more general, and it was rejected. I'm not disgruntled or anything, I'm always open to reworking something, but the feedback system is piss-poor in terms of constructive feedback.

I contacted a dev to see if I could get more input. He said that with the new Titans, we'll probably see a lot of reviewed region descriptions that haven't been looked over in a while. He suggested public dialogue.

So, I don't have the first draft I had. I recall it had more temporary details, but it was still just the last paragraph:

Quote
Dimwood is a vital region in the east-west connection of Perdan, especially between the capital Partora and Aix as well as on the route between Aix and Perdan City.

It is a small rural region usually focused on farming and fishing, but its population also benefits from the trade route between the three cities.

Dimwood originally belonged to the Duchy of Aix within the realm of Perdan. Fortunately the region was saved from being annexed to the Diocese of Aix after the last Great War. Loyal Perdanese who did not get slaughtered in the other regions of the Duchy fled back into Dimwood.

After the destruction of the Theocracy in Aix, many of these people have started to return to Aix and the other regions, making the size of Dimwood's population fluctuate greatly in the recent days.

After its previous turmoil, Dimwood experienced a time of peace and grew to its full capacity. With time, separate cultures began to develop from the prosperity. "The Dim": comprised of mostly fishermen and passing traders on the coast, and "The Wood": comprised of mostly farmers and artisans in the plains and woodland.

Thoughts, criticisms, suggestions, and other people's region descriptions welcome.
Eoric the Dim (Perdan), Enoch the Bright (Asylon), Emeric the Dark (Obsidian Islands)

Orobos, The Insatiable Snake (Sandalak)

vonGenf

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Re: Region Description Feedback
« Reply #1: April 11, 2014, 07:04:26 PM »
I would remove the first sentence, the rationale being that the description should still work even if Perdan changes capital or even if Dimwood is no longer part of Perdan. The rest is history, so and it's OK to mention a long history of being part of Perdan, but the part that is written in the present tense should ideally be independent of IC changes.

I don't know if this was the issue that caused rejection, overall it looks fine to me, and that's a pretty minor criticism. I agree more feedback would be useful.
After all it's a roleplaying game.

Indirik

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Re: Region Description Feedback
« Reply #2: April 11, 2014, 07:13:59 PM »
Region descriptions should be about the region, not about the realm. They should not make any reference to the political situation, what realm they are part of, what the capital is, or even the name of the lord.

Things you should talk about:
* Geographical features
* Geographical location (but not political location, i.e.: "On the main road between Perdan city and Aix" is good.  "Between the great twin cities of Perdan" is bad.)
* Descriptions of the locals
* Important historical events that occurred there
* Cultural items of significance, like the favorite drink, conditions of the hunting, how the locals make their living

Things to avoid:
* Current political affiliation of the region
* Names of the current king/duke/lord
* References to it's relation to the capital of the realm

Region descriptions should be timeless. They should still apply no matter who takes control of the region in the future.
If at first you don't succeed, don't take up skydiving.

Zakilevo

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Re: Region Description Feedback
« Reply #3: April 11, 2014, 09:34:05 PM »
Like Indirik said, try to be objective. Avoid propaganda. I'd fix this part if I were you.

Quote
Dimwood originally belonged to the Duchy of Aix within the realm of Perdan. Fortunately the region was saved from being annexed to the Diocese of Aix after the last Great War. Loyal Perdanese who did not get slaughtered in the other regions of the Duchy fled back into Dimwood.

Also, try avoiding things that might change over time. Focus on things that are more permanent. So pretty much avoid mentioning religions - unless it is a big part of the region's history, recruitment centers - they may disappear in the future so it is pointless to write about them, and relation to realms - avoid politics.

Things that add more flavour to role plays are always a plus.