Author Topic: Thesseus 9 - Mega Goat Turds  (Read 1120 times)

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Thesseus 9 - Mega Goat Turds
« Topic Start: October 31, 2016, 01:44:07 PM »
This roleplay is a tribute to the series 'Rick and Morty' and it's first episode.
(hang on, its going to be ridiculous...)

About 5 months ago in the outskirts of Gethesemne, still under attack by a massive army of Goat zombies, pony undead, gigantic deformed fruit bats called daemons and other monstrosities.
Some of the monsters have managed to get over the city walls while most of the human forces still manage to hold the rest of them back.
Theseus' captain Bert just murdered half of his unit and then committed suicide while Thessues, seemingly careless about it, is on its way to Tyrant Chilperik in order to find answers on the mysterious letters he received from his Tyrant.
However on his way, he is violently stopped by a bright flash, followed by a large glowing green circle right in front of him.
Within seconds a, what appears to be a metal flying machine made out of scrap metal leaps from the glowing circle and lands right on top of Thessues, only his right hand is still visible from underneath it.
Two odd looking men, an older man in a lab coat and a young teenager step out of the machine, clearly not from this time or place.

"Oh, man, Rick. What is this place?"
The younger man says looking around him in bewilderment.

"It's Dimension 35-C, and it's got the perfect climate conditions for a special type of animal, Morty, called a mega goat, and they produce droppings, and there's great value in those droppings. I'm talking about mega poop. They're-they're incredibly powerful, and I need them to help me with my research, Morty."
Rick, the older man says.

"Oh, man, Rick. I'm looking around this place, and I'm starting to work up some anxiety about this whole thing."
Several soldiers run towards the direction of the city walls, barley noticing the odd visitors beeing to worked up with the invading monsters.

"And what about him Rick? is he going to be allright? Oh man, he sure doesn't look allright."
He says while pointing at Thesseus, whose still stuck underneath the large metal flying machine.

"All right, all right, calm down. Listen to me, Morty. Don't worry about that man, allright Morty? I know that new situations can be intimidating. You're looking around, and it's all scary and different, but, you know, m-meeting them head on, charging right into them like a bull that's how we grow as people. I'm no stranger to scary situations. I deal with them all the time. Now, if you just stick with me, Morty, we're gonna be-"
A gigantic alien monster armed with incredibly large fangs and poisons fluids oozing from various orifices its disgusting body is rich of, suddenly appears behind them

"HOLY CRAP, MORTY RUN!!!"
Rick and Morty take off, running in complete and total fear as the monster chases them

"I've never seen that thing before in my life. I don't even know what the hell it is! We got to get out of here, Morty! It's gonna kill us! We're gonna die! We're gonna die, Morty!"

After running into the direction of Sniika for a while, Rick and Morty have apparently escaped and are now walking through Dimension 35-C, continuing their adventure.
Rick takes large confident and light footed steps.

"Oh, Morty, take a deep breath. Breathe that breathe that fresh air in, Morty. Y-you smell that? That's the smell of adventure, Morty. That's that's the smell of-of-of, of a whole different evolutionary timeline."

"All right, Rick, look how much longer is this gonna be? Shouldn't I be back at school by now?"
Morty says, still shaking from the terrifying monster he just escaped from.

"Are you joking me?! I mean, look at all the crazy crap surrounding us. Look at that thing right there!"
A weird looking monster is seen cooing and rolling around on the ground

"What the hell is that thing?! You think you're gonna see that kind of thing at school? Look at it just lumbering around!"
Rick grabs Morty's eyelids and forces them to open as wide as they can.

"It defies all logic, that thing."

"Yeah, Rick, I get it. We're surrounded by monsters. That's kind of the reason why I want to leave..."
They come up to a cliff and Rick stops him there

"Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta. Morty, you see this?"
Rick and Morty are looking down upon a vast plain full of grazing mega goats, who apparently look very similair to normal goats.

"You see what we just stumbled upon, Morty? Any idea what that is down there?"

"The mega goats?"
Morty replies, unintrested.

"That's right, Morty the mega goats with the mega poop in them and that's what I'm talking about, Morty. That's where my droppings are. If we would have done what you wanted, I would have never have found them, because you're soooo in love with school."
Rick takes a big gulp from his hip flask.

"All right, all right. So, what's so special about these turds, anyways?"

"You ask a lot of questions, Morty. Not very charismatic. It makes you kind of an- (Belch) under- (Belch) underfoot figure."
Rick gives Morty a pair of shoes and Morty proceeds to put them on

"Just take these shoes, Morty. They're (Belch) special grappling shoes. When you're wearing these things, these babies, you can basically just walk on any surface you want, Morty up, down, below, turn around to the left. These things really bring it all together."

Morty walks off the cliff and plummets to the ground, screaming and smashing into rocks)
"AAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!"

"You have to turn them on, Morty! The shoes have to be turned on!"
Rick screams after him.

After using the shoes correctly, Rick is standing by Morty, who is lying on the ground with his legs broken

"Morty, oh, you really d-did a number on your legs right now. You know, you got to turn the shoes on, Morty, for them to work. Yeah, look I turned mine on. I had no problem getting down here. It was a leisurely breeze."
Rick shows morty his shoes proudly.

"I'm in a lot of pain, Rick!"

"Yeah, I can see that. But do you think you'll still be able to help me collect my turds for me, Morty?"

"Are you kidding me?! That's it, Rick! That's the last straw! I can't believe this! I'm sitting here with both of my legs broken, and you're still asking me about getting those mega turds?! Ooh! Ow! Oh! Y-y-you're a monster. Y-you're like Hitler, but but even Hitler cared about Germany or something."
Morty says, cleary angrily, while struggling with his pain.

"Okay, hold on just a second, Morty."
Rick opens another portal with his portal device and leaves Morty behind, lying on the ground to suffer for a few seconds.

"Ooh! Ohh! Ooh! Hnngh! Hoo! Ooh! Ohh! Aaaaagh! Oooooh!"
Rick finally returns and injects Morty's legs with medicine, healing them to perfection.

"Ooh, Ohh, Ooh. Wow, Rick. That stuff just healed my broken legs instantly. I mean, I've never felt so good in my life. Thank you."

"Don't worry about it, Morty. Just come help me get these goat droppings, all right, buddy?"

"Sure thing, Rick."
Morty goes down the plains and collects fresh turds from the mega goats while Rick talks to him.

"Not that you asked, Morty, but what just happened there is I went into a future dimension with such advanced medicine that they had broken-leg serum at every corner drugstore. The stuff was all over the place, Morty."
Rick says while scratching his chin.

"Wow, that's pretty crazy, Rick."
Morty says as he looks amazed at a dried out goat dropping, he just picked up with the size of a tenisball, rock hard, wondering if they are all this large.

"There's just one problem, Morty one little hang-up. The dimension I visited was so advanced, that (Belch) they had also halted the aging process, and everyone there was young, Morty, and they had been forever. I was the only old person there, Morty. (Belch) It was like I was some sort of, you know, celebrity, walking around. I-I was fascinating to them. There were a lot of attractive women there, Morty, and they they they they all wanted time with me. I had a lot of fun with a lot of young ladies, but I spent so much time there, my interdimensional portal device it's got no charge left, Morty. It's got no charge left."

"What?!"
Morty immediately drops the turd.

"It's as good as garbage, Morty. It's not gonna work anymore, Morty."

"Oh, geez, Rick, that's not good. W-what are we gonna do? I-I have to be back at school right now. How are we gonna get back home?"

"There's ways to get back home, Morty. It's just it's just gonna be a little bit of a hassle. We're gonna have to go through interdimensional customs, so you're gonna have to do me a real solid."

"Uh-oh."

"When we get to customs, I'm gonna need you to take these turds into the bathroom, and I'm gonna need you to put them way up inside your butthole, Morty."

"In my butt?"

"Put them waaaaay up inside there, as far as they can fit."

"Oh, geez, Rick. I really don't want to have to do that."

"Well, somebody's got to do it, Morty. Th-these mega turds aren't gonna get through customs unless they're in someone's rectum, Morty."

"Uuuh."
Morty stutters insecurely.

"And they'll fall right out of mine. I've done this too many times, Morty. I mean, you're young. Y-y-you've got your whole life ahead of you, and your anal cavity is still taut, yet malleable. You got to do it for grandpa, Morty. Y(Belch)-you've got to put this !@#$ inside your butt."

"In my butt?"

"Come on, Morty. Please, Morty. You have to do it, Morty."

"Oh-h-h, man."

To be continued?
Formerly playing the Nosferatus and Bhrantan Family.
Currently playing the Polytus Family in: Gotland, Madina, Astrum, Outer Tilog