In response to the original posters post, I think the job of the ruler is to be a pussy. His job is to lead diplomacy and ensure the prosperity of the realm. Unless victory is certain and damage to infrastructure is minimal, I wouldn't expect a ruler to be gung-ho for a war. There might be exceptions for good RP rulers starting a fight, but it isn't the job of a ruler. Honestly, it's the marshals job to be gung-ho for war.
It's the idle nobility's prerogative to start something the realm might not be able to finish. Demand an opportunity for loot, vengeance, or glory. If the rulers say no, dissent and/or start something on your own. Protest if you feel like people may rally behind you, and if you nothing else works then just march yourself into someones territory and pick a fight. The 'murderous' setting isn't just there for show.
