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Pics or it didn't happen!
We've come to realize that pushing defeated realms too far was making people quit the game.
In a way, I agree. Every time a war ends with the destruction of a realm, people will quit the game.
The problem is that the definition of "too far" varies wildly from person to person. Is a 500 gold reparation too far? How about 5,000 gold? Is the loss of one region from your original borders OK? How about an entire duchy?
Is it OK to destroy a realm? If realms don't get destroyed, then where's the risk? Without risk, then what's the point?
Anyway, this is a very widely debated topic.