Funny Battlemaster function messages

[Ketchum]

They are not my men corpses. Try forage the battlefield and game come out with a funny message below that make me laugh. I think we could use more funny messages.

Your men were defeated and driven from the battlefield. Obviously, that is why you can't go there and pick on the corpses, since most of them are yours.

As I told Legro, I think we need make players lighten up with a few jokes messages that can make players playing behind the characters laugh. Too much serious in real life and then serious in game will cause harm. As some wise man say, laughter is the best medicine ;D

[Shizzle]

This is an old favorite of mine as well. Maybe all 'error' messages could be reworked to be a bit more lighthearted? They don't have any mechanics behind them and are clearly directed at the player rather than the character. Maybe we should just get this topic rolling and do some suggestions?

I'm trying here but can't think of anything. If we have a list of the 'error messages' (the ones in red that tell you you can't do something) maybe people will get some inspiration while looking at them :)

[Vita`]

Here's a portion of the error messages you're likely to encounter...

Error("You are in a frozen wasteland. There aren't any recruits left.");
Error("You're not an infiltrator. Go away.");
Error("You can't do this while travelling.");
Error("There are no recruitment centers in this region.");
Error( "You do not have enough time to attempt this right now." );
Error( "You do not have enough money for the materials you will need for this." );
Error("You do not have enough time left. You need 6 hours to hold court.");
Error("You already held court today. The bureaucrats look a little confused as you ask them to prepare the court documents.");
Error("You are not in a proper location at this time.");
Error("You can't hold court outside your realm. Now go away.");
Error("You are not allowed to hold court. The people laugh you out of the courtroom.");
Error("You are in a frozen wasteland. You can't hold court for permafrost and ice trolls.");
Error("You can not announce a court day today.");
Error("There is a takeover of this region running right now!");
Error("You are currently travelling. Stop to loot.");
Error("You aren't anywhere right now, so you can't loot.");
Error("You don't have a unit. You can't loot on your own.");
Error("You need at least 5 healthy men for a looting mission.");
Error("You are in a frozen wasteland. There's no one to loot.");
Error("Your men are already busy looting and plundering. Per definition, looting is looting. If you want more, spend more time on it.");
Error("Your men were defeated and driven from the battlefield. They are currently retreated/scattered/rallying and that means they aren't on the battlefield. Not on the battlefield means not being able to loot the corpses there. Makes sense, doesn't it?");
Error("You just avoided conflict with other troops in this region. You are certainly not going to loot around here.");
Error("You can't loot your own regions.");
Error("There are still many defenders in this region. Eliminate or scatter them first.");
Error("You do not have this many hours left. Try again.");
Error("You need at least 3 hours to run a good plunder mission.");
Error("Sorry, you can't be stealthy while your realm or an allied realm is trying to take over this region.");
Error("This option is only available in spring and summer.");
Error("You can only commit genocide on hated enemies.");
Error("This options is unavailable for your class.");
Error("You do not have enough time left. You need 4 hours to organise this.");
Error("You already persecuted heretics. The torturers are still busy.");
Error("You are not the lord of this region. You can harrass a little child in a back alley, but that's about it.");
Error("You don't believe in anything, so you can't persecute others who do.");
Error("You are in a frozen wasteland. There's nobody here to persecute.");
Error("You can not persecute unbelievers today.");
Error("There is a takeover of this region running right now!");
Error("It seems your faith doesn't consider these people evil.");
Error("You have neither a large enough unit nor enough militia to persecute heretics. At the very least 20 men are required.");
Error("You lack the authority to be here. Go away.");
Error("A rebellion is currently going on in your realm, have you not heard? While the street is the law, your options are limited.");
Error("That character does not exist! Stop that!");
Error("That character was never banned from RealmName");
Error( "You are traveling.  You will not be able to preach until you arrive." );
Error('You are not a priest - what are you doing here?');
Error("Not enough time left.");
Error("You are in a frozen wasteland. You don't have any followers here.");
Error("This is a private message group and you are not one of its current members.");
Error( "That was not the sender of the original message." );
Error( "You can't send a reply to a message you never received." );
Error("You're not a Hero. What are you doing here?");
Error("You are currently travelling. Stop (or arrive) before you can tell the local citizens your story");
Error("You are not in a proper location where you would find volunteers.");
Error("You do not have enough experience to find volunteers.");
Error("Not enough time left. Go and rest.");
Error("You don't have a unit.");
Error("You try, but it appears that all the volunteers have already been picked up.");
Error("You are in a frozen wasteland. There are no peasants here to recruit.");
Error("There is a takeover of this region running right now! The local citizens are hiding, cooperating or busy surviving, and certainly not listening to you until the takeover is over, one way or the other.");
Error("A new local lord has just been announced and the local citizens are busy with celebrating his inauguration.");
Error("Most of the manpower has been sent to repair the fortifications today.");
Error("You are in enemy territory. These citizens will certainly not join your army.");
Error("You don't have that many hours left.");
Error( "You don't have the key to the tax offices." );
Error( "You are turned away at the door.  No one wants a filthy commoner in their tax offices." );
Error( "You can only enter the tax offices in your realm." );
Error( "This region is blighted and uninhabitable; you can't do anything here.  You should get out as quickly as you can." );
Error( "The tax offices aren't available today due to a special event or takeover." );
Error( "You look and look, but oddly, you don't find any extra gold coins hiding in random cracks." );
Error( "Um...are you sure you didn't mean to deposit gold here?" );
Error( "You really don't have time for this." );
Error( "You look and look, but oddly, you don't find any extra gold coins hiding in the bottom of your coin purse." );
Error( "Um...are you sure you didn't mean to collect gold here?" );
Error( "You really don't have time for this." );
Error("You are a rogue. Not really a good position to play police.");
Error("You need at least 2 prestige before you can randomly arrest people. Yes, even peasants.");
Error("Not enough time left, you need at least 2 hours.");
Error("You can not do policework while travelling");
Error("You need a unit to arrest someone.");
Error("Your men were defeated and are not in sufficient control of the region to do something like search for slippery adventurers.");
Error("You just avoided conflict with other troops in this region. You are certainly not going to play police before you have fought them.");
Error("You are not in a proper location where you could arrest anyone.");
Error("There are no adventurers here that you could arrest.");
Error ("This one is already wounded. Either you pick up a victim that is healthy or wait.");
Error("You are currently travelling. Stop to loot.");
Error("You don't have enough time left for this action.");
Error("Your men are already busy looting and plundering. Per definition, looting is looting. If you want more, spend more time on it.");
Error("You aren't anywhere right now, so you can't loot.");
Error("You are not member of any religion, so you have no enemies to loot.");
Error("You are in a frozen wasteland. There are no shrines left to burn.");
Error("You don't have a unit. You can't loot on your own.");
Error("You need at least 5 healthy men for a looting mission.");
Error("Your men were defeated and driven from the battlefield. They are currently retreated/scattered/rallying and that means they aren't on the battlefield. Not on the battlefield means not being able to loot the corpses there. Makes sense, doesn't it?");
Error("You just avoided conflict with other troops in this region. You are certainly not going to loot any shrines or temples.");
Error("Your faith does not consider any other religions as evil. You can not loot and burn the shrines and temples of non-evil religions.");
Error("Not enough time left.");
Error('The temple of ReligionName in this region is already in ruins. Burn somewhere else, where there\'s stuff to burn left.');
Error("This temple has just been sacked by someone else. Wait until the priests bring out the valuables from their hiding places again - say, tomorrow.");
Error("Not enough time left.");
Error("And what, exactly, do you think you are doing here?");
Error("Sorry, region lords only.");
Error("You are not a ruler. Go away.");
Error("This character already has two (or more) jobs. He won't have time for running a region as well. Moreover, for game-balance reasons, we don't allow it. Please find someone else.");
Error("This character has family member holding other position, you don't want to risk information to leak.  Moreover, for game-balance reasons, we don't allow it. Please find someone else.");
Error("Infiltrators can not be appointed to council positions.");
Error("Name already holds a position in RealmName");
Error("The realm already has a CouncilPosition.");
Error("This position has just been vacated. You can appoint a new CouncilPosition, but not quite as urgently. There is paperwork to be done, secret documents to be burnt and favours to be called in first. Try again next turn.");
Error("For some reason, you seem to have forgotten, that this position is already filled by Name");
Error("Use your own travel page, please.");
Error("You are not in a proper location.");
Error("not enough hours left");
Error("You have to be a Duke to change your duchy's realm.");
Error("You cannot change allegiance with the last city in the realm.");
Error('You cannot change allegiance after being in your realm less than 2 weeks.');
Error("You have no time left, or are in no condition of doing very much today.");
Error("Error. Bad boy.");
Error("Why are you trying to bribe someone? You aren't a prisoner.");
Error("Looks like you do not have enough gold left (Gold needed) and the prison guards don't accept credit cards.");
Error("You already tried to bribe your guards - and failed. You can't try again until the next shift.");
Error("The guards are already bribed.");
Error("You do not have the right to ban others.");
Error("You do not have the required hour left, sorry.");
Error("You do not have the required gold, sorry.");
Error("You cannot ban this one. He is special");
Error("Please give a reason for this ban, at least a few words.");
Error("You can not kick a member of the government.");
Error("Sorry, but you cannot kick someone of Royal blood.");
Error("You can not kick this character because he has just become a local lord. For one, it would look weird. Second, this restriction is necessary for game-balance purposes because many judges abused the ban function to get rid of people who bought a title, even though their characters would have to assume the title is genuine.");
Error(Name is part of an open rebellion against you. Kicking him is like telling your wife to stop yelling - it'll not change a thing.");
Error("You have already banned Name from the realm. It takes two days for a ban to take effect, so just wait it out.");
Error("More than a fifth of the realm is currently on the ban list. As you try to add yet another name, the scribes pocket your gold and waste your time, but you feel almost certain they shred the paper after you leave.(OOC: Protection against insane judges ruining a realm by banning everyone)");
Error('You are not an adventurer - what are you doing here?');
Error("You are in a frozen wasteland. There's no one here to sell to.");
Error("Sorry, but selling takes an hour of time for haggling etc.");
Error("Why are you trying to sell such an absurd amount?");
Error("You don't have that many of that kind.");
Error("You don't have a region to fortify.");
Error("You aren't currently anywhere where you could possibly fortify anything.");
Error("You are travelling. Stop to fortify.");
Error("You can not build fortifications in this kind of region.");

[Shizzle]

Holy !@#$ I'm so naive

[Indirik]

It's important to note that players should never see quite a few of these messages. They are for situations where you've hit a link that you should not have access to. Maybe if you're using multiple tabs and used a link from a page open with a different character. Or you're trying some link manipulation to do something you shouldn't be doing.

[Zakilevo]

Error("Error. Bad boy.");

Best one!

[Vita`]

Yes Shizzle, that was only about 10% of the total I got, after some basic filtering. I didn't check for duplicates until after I posted it though, oops.

Actually, Indirik, I did my best to filter those type of errors out and only stick to errors players were likely to get from regular playing. No fine tooth comb though, so its entirely possible some slipped through.

[Vita`]

Best one!

But just to taunt me, that specific error is one of the ones Indirik was talking about that should've been filtered out.

[Shizzle]

Why are you trying to bribe someone? You aren't a prisoner.

The bad news is your bribe didn't work. The good news: you're not in prison!

Edit: more funny ones

- You are in a frozen wasteland. You can't hold court for permafrost and ice trolls
- Your men were defeated and driven from the battlefield. They are currently retreated/scattered/rallying and that means they aren't on the battlefield. Not on the battlefield means not being able to loot the corpses there. Makes sense, doesn't it?
- You already persecuted heretics. The torturers are still busy.You are not the lord of this region. You can harrass a little child in a back alley, but that's about it.
- A rebellion is currently going on in your realm, have you not heard? While the street is the law, your options are limited.[/li][/list]

[Constantine]

You can harrass a little child in a back alley, but that's about it.

Oh my.
That went from "light-hearted" to "dark" really quick.

[Ossan]

Aww man I saw a really good "error" message a couple months ago but I forget what it was, made me laugh though. My favourite non-error message bit of humour is that the name of the leader for peasant mobs is "(who cares?)"! Makes me laugh every time I see it.

[Ketchum]

It's important to note that players should never see quite a few of these messages. They are for situations where you've hit a link that you should not have access to. Maybe if you're using multiple tabs and used a link from a page open with a different character. Or you're trying some link manipulation to do something you shouldn't be doing.

I agree with Indirik. Not all messages can be seen frequently unless player doing unintended things like opening many Battlemaster link for example. Maybe try have the messages appear frequently to tease players ;)