funniest moments in battlemaster

[egamma]

Meh, I never liked what Darka was doing. Its like prostitution at a realm level.

When everyone's doing it, it's more like an orgy.

[Gustav Kuriga]

Letter from Fred Artemesia   (59 minutes ago)
Message sent to everyone in your realm (55 recipients)
Er, I was wondering about an oath. I got a random offer without any message, and a random withdrawal shortly afterward. That only confused me. All I wanted was a place to set up a fried chicken restaurant, but I guess it's my fault I didn't make that clear.

So, I'm here to set up a fried chicken restaurant where the chicken will all come from enemy lands because there is no greater insult to a defeated foe than to have him or her or it see their chickens become fried deeply in the butter and eaten hungrily with great zest. Am I right, y'all?

Ok, and furthermore, that means I'll have to go get an oath with someone. Preferably someone who's ok with me having a fried chicken restaurant at my estate, and who doesn't mind me going off with the army that goes fighting in foreign lands so I can go capture their chickens and bring them back to fry and eat.

Now that y'all know my deal, any chance I can go fight some dudes with dudes of my own and get some chickens to fry?
Fred Artemesia (Noble)



It's a good thing this isn't on Dwilight...

[fodder]

obviously never heard of squatting rights....

no oath, you just need to squat in a place and hope no one notices. (is there a message when someone move in? no idea).. restaurant might be a bit noticeable though.

[egamma]

Battle in Wirkfyr   (just in)
(rogue), Lukon, Outer Tilog vs. Giblot
Estimated strengths: 1250 men vs. 70 men
The Army of the Black Ravens (Lukon), sponsored by Raven Leather, Duchess of Portion, were led into battle by Marshal Thanatos Reaver.
Joline Rasthaven (Dame of Diverdur) is spotted wearing the Dragon-Scale Breastplate of the Kings.

Attacker Victory!

Peasant Revolt   (just in)
The people in Wirkfyr are revolting!
The revolting people have done something utterly unbelievable - kicked out the local government and declared independence! These stinking peasants think they can rule themselves! Anarchy and heresy!

Region Revolts   (just in)
The people of Lukon have revolted and declared independence from Lukon!

A fair trade--a rural for a city, and the city hasn't even been attacked in at least 4 years.

[Ketchum]

A fair trade--a rural for a city, and the city hasn't even been attacked in at least 4 years.

I call this inefficient city duke...  ::)

Funniest moment is when you lose a war not because of your military leaders half smart strategy but because of lack of nobles. Today our Ruler is dead, his soul given up to the religion spirits, paused in fact his 2 characters  :P We might as well surrender to the enemy realm standing outside our war although we have almost even CS, we have less noble than them  :(

[Iltaran]

Total CS is a pretty crude measure. If you're smashing the enemy into tiny pieces on the battlefield, you can afford to get by with barely any militia. If you're getting smashed into tiny pieces you need to get your Dukes dropping 7k militia so the other side cant overrun your cities. A realm that can put 20k CS mobile in the field, with 5k CS militia at home is going to beat the realm with 10k CS mobile and 15k CS militia everytime.

[Gustav Kuriga]

Let's not get into discussions about what is the best way to win a war and such in this topic. If you want to do that, find the proper topic or make your own. This is purely for funny moments. If I see a discussion like that start to occur, I'll ask a moderator to please split those posts to a seperate thread. No need to completely squash a good debate, after all.

[Silverhawk]

Orders from Dolgan Tyr-Sog (15 hours, 21 minutes ago)
Message sent to all members of the Eagles of Hope (11 recipients)
Eagles,

New guidelines from the General. No more raping. We do not want to give Fronen a new generation of good warriors.

With hope,
Dolgan Tyr-Sog
Vice-Marshal of the Eagles of Hope

After this our general confessed his chest hurt of laughter. Sadly he survived......Need more fun to assasinate him and take his place

[Gustav Kuriga]

hilarious

[Dante Silverfire]

Just read this in Pian en Luries(on Dwilight), it was in response to someone indicating a noble was worse than an educated fruit or some similar insult, and one of the parties saying that no such thing existed:

---------

Letter from Ramiel Avis   (23 minutes ago)
Message sent to everyone in "Halls of Luria" (30 recipients)
Commander Kamron,

I, personally have never met an educated fruit, however I have met someone who swears by his mother's grave that he has!

Some years ago my acquaintance called Sir Bob de Ington was travelling through a Port City during the Night, trying to find out when the next ship leaving was, he came accross three armed vagabonds trying accost an elderly man who was carrying scrolls and certain artifacts. Now Sir Bob is of the disposition that no crime should ever be permitted in the sight of a Noble else the Noble condones it and becomes part of the crime, so he rushed to the elderly man's defence and injured all three men and driving them off.

Now the old man turns to Sir Bob and says "Thank You Sir Bob, for your kind and just heart and actions I shall give you this scroll here that details the island of Ananas Comosus. A rich and good island with a population that has to be seen and heard to be believed. The scroll will also tell you how to get there." And Sir Bob took the scroll and looked at it before looking back up and seeing the old man having disappeared.

Now something you must know about Sir Bob is that he one of those types that cannot help himself but to go looking for riches, treasure and new lands - I think he had some Madinian blood in him, maybe some Fissoan, but I digress - and so he chartered a ship to sail to the Island of Ananas Comosus with his bodyguard.

The sea trip was rather uneventful.

When he landed on the Island of Ananas Comosus, it was dusk and he had the landing party prepare camp whilst he took three of his best bodyguards and explored inland somewhat.

After an hour or so, he spotted what he thought was a village of a strange people. However since it was now quite dark he turned back to camp.

The following morning he went again and went into the village. The, what he at first assumed was people, were dressed in a sort of spikey brown-green-yellowish robe thing - the way he said it made it sound more like a cross between scales and spikes, and a green headress of leaves.

He met someone who called himself 'King Apple of Pine' and got talking, as one does when meeting a new Royal. After a few nights discussing themselves, their philosophy and their theology, King Apple gave Sir Bob a yellow circular holey piece of fruit and bid him taste it. Sir Bob did so and said it was a bit tangy, very sharp but otherwise very nice. It was after this that King Apple said it was his now deceased wife who had gone off with another man. Sir Bob then wondered "But human flesh does not taste thus surely?",/i> And it was then that King Apple laughed a hearty laugh and said "Human? we are Ananas Comosus, surely you must realise this by now?" And then Sir Bob really looked properly and say that the clothing were not actually clothing, it was their skin.

"But how is this possible?" he cried. "We do not know, it is the will of the great Sun and the great rain from which we get all our needs" came the reply. And for a week more Sir Bob and King Apple debated everything and anything.

Now comes the tragic news, Sir Bob's guards had also been allowed to taste the Ananas Comosus 'people' and they liked it. The Night before they were to sail home, they went and butchered every Ananas Comosusian so that they could eat them and sell the remainders once they got back to civilization. Sir Bob was heartbroken. He told me of how King Apple of Pine was one of the most educated people he had ever met and that he had said he would come back with some scholars so that they could talk. However it was never to be.

And this is true, so he swears on his mother's grave. Though one of the Priests of Zisa came and told me he had been partaking of their dragonweed earlier... however in my mind their is no doubt that Sir Bob thought it was all true, for he had tried to get me to loan him some money so that he could sail back and see if any others lived, for they had a unique philosophy and theology, a point being they believed that the Sun fed them directly with the Rain and that when they were eaten, they never truly died as they would simply be reborn many times over after they were eaten.

I have not seen Sir Bob in many years though I do sometimes get a letter from him...

Ramiel Avis
Lurian Lord of Halls of Luria, Marquis of Askileon Purlieus, Marshal of the Aegis of Luria
--------

[Norrel]

^The entire situation that was posted was honestly the dumbest thing I've ever seen.

[Shizzle]

^The entire situation that was posted was honestly the dumbest thing I've ever seen.

Yeah. I loved it :)

[Gustav Kuriga]

What goes on in Arcaea, should probably stay in Arcaea...

Letter from Fred Artemesia   (1 day, 20 hours ago)
Message sent to everyone in your realm (72 recipients)
I like cats.

Fred Artemesia (Knight of Tapaliez)

Letter from Thain Himoura   (1 day, 20 hours ago)
Message sent to everyone in your realm (72 recipients)
Congratulations, will you attempt to fry them next?

Sir Thain Himoura (Knight of Talex)

Letter from Fred Artemesia   (1 day, 19 hours ago)
Message sent to everyone in your realm (72 recipients)
Wow it's like this guy has psychic powers of ESPN.

Fred Artemesia (Knight of Tapaliez)

Letter from Thain Himoura   (1 day, 18 hours ago)
Message sent to everyone in your realm (72 recipients)
Of what?

Sir Thain Himoura (Knight of Talex)

Letter from Alistair Jeckyl   (1 day, 18 hours ago)
Message sent to everyone in your realm (72 recipients)
I believe Fred just called you a witch.

Sir Alistair Jeckyl
Baron of Saex

Letter from Sayuki Kuriga   (1 day, 18 hours ago)
Message sent to everyone in your realm (72 recipients)
My captain spoke of this "ESPN". It is some peasant superstition, in which a group of old peasant "sports players", whatever that means, spread news and make predictions of the "sport" they previously played through some sort of magic. It is, of course, ludicrous and merely a false peasant belief. I believe Sir Fred is making jest of this superstitious ridiculousness, in regards to you predicting what he will do, Sir Thain.

Sir Sayuki Kuriga (Knight of Niel)

Letter from Gaston Gellander   (1 day, 17 hours ago)
Message sent to everyone in your realm (72 recipients)
The Exciting Sport Peasant Newspaper is a newspaper in the Colonies, devoted to the sport of 'headball', which is played with the heads of peasants. I'm not sure what that has to do with cats, unless they've decided to start playing with smaller heads.

Gaston Gellander
Baron of Hupar

Letter from Breonna Blakeshadow   (1 day, 17 hours ago)
Message sent to everyone in your realm (72 recipients)
I've heard of wizards having such magical portals that they can activate after much mental and physical stress, to serve such a purpose. So the simple peasants have the idea they could do with such ease? Unbelievable. Unless they stole a Wizards scroll, then I imagine all the caster would need to do is summon the divination abilities.
It would be simple enough to predict of our own mind; on what one single person will do if we compile the past information, so such a spell would be pointless.
Unless it's worth is earned though predicting massive events such as parts of the continent drifting off to sea or something as drastic as if/when gods will walk the lands.

Idle chatting about something as menial as this is just a waste of time.
If your going to speak about magic, let it be of daimon ousting and unlife discast.

In Honour and Might,

Breonna Blakeshadow
Ambassador of Arcaea

Letter from Fred Artemesia   (1 day, 17 hours ago)
Message sent to everyone in your realm (72 recipients)
One doesn't need magic to play sports. One only needs courage and a cause without a rebel.

And there are no such things as daimons. Seriously, I've been to Beluaterra too, where they claim there are diamons. Never seen them. Anyone here have solid evidence that they exist? And I don't mean talking about how you saw them with your own eyes. I can claim that I once saw a fifty foot tall flying chicken that spoke perfect human language and knew how to do martial arts and breathed fire, but would you believe me?

No, you wouldn't. That's also why I really doubt that these "daimons" that people say are wrapped around in fire and don't die permanently exist. Really, who has heard of something that doesn't die? Everything dies. The undead are technically dead too, just moving around like a puppet with strings. But we don't call a puppet alive.

Anyway, ESPN stands for "Exceptionally Spot-on Predictions, Nate". I don't know who Nate is. It's just part of the acronym, deal with it.

Fred Artemesia (Knight of Tapaliez)

We shall skip ahead a short time later...

Letter from Thain Himoura   (1 day, 14 hours ago)
Message sent to everyone in your realm (72 recipients)
In addition he is doing something other than stating that he likes felines, or talking about his recent poultry based culinary disaster.

Sir Thain Himoura (Knight of Talex)

Letter from Breonna Blakeshadow   (1 day, 11 hours ago)
Message sent to everyone in your realm (72 recipients)
Yes, I agree. He is improving, And I couldn't help But to notice the improvement starts after my involvement. However there is no way I'm taking credit in any of these matters, Or in anything invoking his perversions.

And I for one am not so to declare it was my involvement that changed anything. But I do encourage ignorance to this subject.

In Honour and Might,

Breonna Blakeshadow
Ambassador of Arcaea

Letter from Fred Artemesia   (1 day, 10 hours ago)
Message sent to everyone in your realm (72 recipients)
That's because my culinary passions have awakened. If these "daimons" exist, then I shall fry them too and call it "Hell's Kitchen Fury"!!!

Fred Artemesia (Knight of Tapaliez)

Roleplay from Fred Artemesia   (1 day, 9 hours ago)
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Fred decides at that time that he should bare the hardships of falling from a tower and murdering the mother of his children in front of a goddess. He then jumps out a tower and survives by blocking an axe with a teacup, laughing maniacally all the way to the north pole.

[egamma]

That last Fred roleplay is a reference to some other roleplay that was badly done, anyone have a link to that?

[DoctorHarte]

Letter from Mendicant Anhangar   (just in)
Message sent to everyone in your realm (35 recipients)
"Gornak Gellander, Fiduciary of D'Hara, Marquis of Raviel, a trader has taken up your offer and bought 40 bushels of food in Candiels for 102 gold. With that, your offer has been completed."

Strange, it would appear that my warehouses insisted on quite a strong price, and the D'Haran Fiduciary accepted it.
Mendicant Anhangar
High Sovereign of Aurvandil, Duke of Candiels

Those are some expensive pork chops!  ;D