Sorry, I wasn't trying to comment on the right or wrong of the situation. Just that the terminology is a bit off.
I often hear various people complain about other realms meddling in their internal politics. But they don't really mean internal politics. If you're allied to my enemy, then that directly affects me. So I should be concerned about it, and try to get you to change. But who you select as the lord of a townsland, or as your general, is really none of my business.